Help for Parents of Troubled Teens

Help for Parents of Troubled Teens

Parenting a teenager is never easy. You may feel exhausted from lying awake at night worrying about where your child is, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. You may despair over failed attempts to communicate, the endless fights, and the open defiance—not to mention the moodiness, the intense emotions, and the impulsive and reckless conduct.

Sometimes it may be hard to believe, but no, your teenager is not an alien being from a distant planet. But they are wired differently. A teenager’s brain is still actively developing, therefore processes information differently than a mature adult’s brain. The frontal cortex—the part of the brain used to manage emotions, make decisions, reason, and control inhibitions—is restructured during the teenage years, forming new synapses at an incredible rate, while the whole brain does not reach full maturity until about the mid-’20s.

Teens Problems



Your teen may be taller than you and seem mature in some respects, but often they are simply unable to think things through on an adult level. Hormones produced during the physical changes of adolescence can further complicate things. Now, these biological differences don’t excuse teens’ poor behavior or absolve them from accountability for their actions, but they may help explain why teens behave so impulsively or frustrate parents and teachers with their poor decisions, social anxiety, and rebelliousness. Understanding adolescent development can help you find ways to stay connected to your teen and overcome problems together.

It’s also important to remember that while teenagers are individuals with unique personalities and their own likes and dislikes, some traits are universal. No matter how much your teen seems to withdraw from you emotionally, no matter how independent your teen appears, or how troubled your teen becomes, they still need your attention and to feel loved by you.

Teens read emotions differently

Teens differ from adults in their ability to read and understand emotions in the faces of others. Adults use the prefrontal cortex to read emotional cues, but teenagers rely on the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional reactions. Research shows that teens often misread facial expressions; when shown pictures of an adult face expressing different emotions, teens most often interpreted them as being angry.

When typical teen behavior becomes troubled teen behavior

As teenagers begin to assert their independence and find their own identity, many experience behavioral changes that can seem bizarre and unpredictable to parents. Your sweet, obedient child who once couldn’t bear to be separated from you now won’t be seen within 20 yards of you and greets everything you say with a roll of the eyes or the slam of a door. As difficult as this can be for parents to endure, they are the actions of a normal teenager.

On the other hand, a troubled teen exhibits behavioral, emotional, or learning problems beyond typical teenage issues. They may repeatedly practice at-risk behaviors including drinking, drug use, sex, violence, skipping school, self-harming, shoplifting, or other criminal acts. Or they may exhibit symptoms of mental health problems such as depression, anxiety, or eating disorders. While any negative behavior repeated over and over can be a sign of underlying trouble, it’s important for parents to understand which behaviors are normal during adolescent development, and which can point to more serious problems.

Typical Teen vs. Troubled Teen Behavior

Changing appearance

Typical teen behavior: Keeping up with fashion is important to teens. That may mean wearing provocative or attention-seeking clothing or dyeing their hair. Unless your teen wants tattoos, avoid criticizing and save your protests for the bigger issues. Fashions change, and so will your teen.

Warning signs of a troubled teen: Changing appearance can be a red flag if it’s accompanied by problems at school or other adverse changes in behavior. Evidence of cutting and self-harm or extreme weight loss or weight gain are also warning signs.

Increased arguments and rebellious behavior

Typical teen behavior: As teens begin seeking independence, you will frequently butt heads and argue.

Warning signs of a troubled teen: Constant escalation of arguments, violence at home, skipping school, getting in fights, and run-ins with the law are all red flag behaviors that go beyond the norm of teenage rebellion.


Mood swings

Typical teen behavior: Hormones and developmental changes often mean that your teen will experience mood swings, irritable behavior, and struggle to manage their emotions.

Warning signs of a troubled teen: Rapid changes in personality, falling grades, persistent sadness, anxiety, or sleep problems could indicate depression, bullying, or another emotional health issue. Take any talk about suicide seriously.

Experimenting with alcohol or drugs

Typical teen behavior: Most teens will try alcohol smoke a cigarette, or vape at some point. Many will even try marijuana. Talking to your kids frankly and openly about drugs and alcohol is one way to ensure it doesn’t progress further.

Warning signs of a troubled teen: When alcohol or drug use becomes habitual, especially when it’s accompanied by problems at school or home, it may indicate a substance abuse issue or other underlying problems.

More influenced by friends than parents

Typical teen behavior: Friends become extremely important to teens and can have a great influence on their choices. As teens focuses more on their peers, that inevitably means they withdraw from you. It may leave you feeling hurt, but it doesn’t mean your teen doesn’t still need your love.

Warning signs of a troubled teen: Red flags include a sudden change in the peer group (especially if the new friends encourage negative behavior), refusing to comply with reasonable rules and boundaries, or avoiding the consequences of bad behavior by lying. Similarly, if your teen is spending too much time alone that can also indicate problems.

Seeking professional help for a troubled teen

If you identify red flag behaviors in your teen, consult a doctor, counselor, therapist, or other mental health professional for help finding appropriate treatment.

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Red flags for violent behavior in teens


It only takes a glance at the news headlines to know that teen violence is a growing problem. Movies and TV shows glamorize all manner of violence, many websites promote extremist views that call for violent action, and hour after hour of playing violent video games can desensitize teens to the real-world consequences of aggression and violence. Of course, not every teen exposed to violent content will become violent, but for a troubled teen who is emotionally damaged or suffering from mental health problems, the consequences can be tragic.

Warning signs that a teen may become violent include:

Playing with weapons of any kind
Obsessively playing violent video games, watching violent movies, or visiting websites that promote or glorify violence
Threatening or bullying others
Fantasizing about acts of violence he’d like to commit
Being aggressive or cruel to pets or other animals

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